I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I deserve this hangover.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
