just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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