I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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