Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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