Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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