please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My vagina just recognized that song.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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