Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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