I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
