and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
