"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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