No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
