hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
