I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
