i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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