He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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