C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
