maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
