the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
