Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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