i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
