tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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