I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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