when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
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