dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
