So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
