Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
