too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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