we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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