that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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