I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize