She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
