dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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