I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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