I got chris browned last night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
