is your mom at the bar?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
