I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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