we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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