That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
