You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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