So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
