Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
