Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
