I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
