I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
