I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
