Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
