i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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