I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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