Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
