yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
