rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
