Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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