talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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