Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
