this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
