Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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