I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
