Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
