We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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