i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
