I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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