It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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