The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
