How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
