At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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