I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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