I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
