we have officially lost it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
