we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
