I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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