help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
