All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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